Saturday, February 28, 2015

Fire Down Below by Debra Anastasia Release Day Blitz and Review


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Dove Glitch is embarrassed about everything above her knees and below her belly button. When she has to fill a delicate, embarrassing prescription the last thing she needs is a sexy-as-hell (and brand spanking new) pharmacist behind the counter.

Johnson Fitzwell’s first day of his dream career also happens to coincide with the exact moment Dove needs her feminine meds filled. His glorious voice is way too loud–as in, he should be counting down the hits with Ryan Seacrest kind of loud. Thanks to Johnson’s handsome face and gorgeous jaw line, Dove dives headlong into her waking nightmare and asks for a vagina-scented cream.

How could she not fall for him? Dove's only active goal now is to get Johnson to kiss her right on the lips. Either set. However, his horrible girlfriend is one of many obstacles preventing her from making that fantasy a reality. When Dove defends Johnson in the most unhygienic, unconventionally gross way in the middle of a crowded restaurant, their tender, slightly tantric relationship is off to a galloping, farting start.

Each print copy of this book will be dipped in holy water by my mom, and glared at by my father as he purses his lips. Neither will help. So, drop your pants and turn to the left and cough. I hope you're not allergic to latex, because it’s time to fill your prescription. Anally.

Oh God. We’re talking about me being naked, in the shower with cooter cream. Please world, end. Kill me.
“I know it’s not soap. I just… if it’s scented… I can’t do scented. Flowers and stuff like that. Fruit-flavored soaps make… things… burnish.” She could tell from the peeks at his face Mr. Fitzwell had never stepped foot in bath and lotion store, wanting to try the array of fun fragrances. Nor had he purchased Peppermint Candy shower gel, foamed up his nether regions, and felt like he had dipped them in lava. Dove crossed and uncrossed her legs at the memory.
Mr. Fitzwell seemed concerned. “Okay, just a heads-up. It’s definitely not good to put any fruits or plant life near your genitals.” He made a V with his hands and formed his own pretend vagina in front of his pants.
Dove covered her eyes and tried to defend herself because now she could hear the sickly older woman beating her supporters with a purse.
Dove’s mumbling got louder with her embarrassment. “I don’t put weird things down… there. Just make sure that the cream’s vagina-scented. Just plain. For vaginas.” She kept her eyes on the counter. 

Debra Anastasia has redefine what the word hilarious means.  I think this book goes far beyond the word hilarious.  It is like watching a train wreck that you cannot look away from.  I am still wrapping my head around it and in need of brain bleach.  Just when you think Debra has topped them all, she tops it again. 

The love story is awkward in a good way.  We have all had those embarrassing moments in life and poor Dove has that happen to her.  She has to get one of the most embarrassing prescriptions for a female to have filled and of course a hot pharmacist, Johnson Fitzwell, is the one to fill it for her.  Of course Dove will like to have him fill her in other ways and it doesn’t help that Fitzwell is just overly helpful.  She is mortified even more. And to top it off, he has a bitch of a girlfriend you just want to ring her neck.  The song by Avril Lavigne “Girlfriend” was playing in my head.  You cannot help but feel for Dove as Karma keeps showing up in her itchy life.  And don’t get me started on her neighbors.  Duke, who hardly ever wears pants or closes his door.  As well as another who poses as a porn star when the opportunity arises.  And you cannot forget Steve, the devil cat.  Then you have the strange best friends who don’t really speak.  This poor girl just cannot win. 

But all jokes aside…This book will have you rolling on the floor laughing with tears.  It’s twisted, awkward, offensive, gross, and very addictive. You cannot put it down.  Debra takes you to a new world of hysterics.  She has a way of telling a great story and make you cry with laughter.  Read this book with an open mind.  You may need some therapy afterwards, so you have been warned.  I am looking forward to the next book and see if Debra can top this or make me run for the hills. 



There are a lot of eyes in Debra Anastasia’s house in Maryland. First, her own creepy peepers are there, staring at her computer screen. She’s made two more sets of eyes with her body, and the kids they belong to are amazing. The poor husband is still looking at her after 17 years of marriage. At least he likes to laugh. Then the freaking dogs are looking at her—six eyeballs altogether, though the old dog is blind. And the cat watches her too, mostly while knocking stuff off the counter and doing that internal kitty laugh when Deb can’t catch the items fast enough. 

           Debra has a smattering of books in a few genres. There are two in the Seraphim Series and three in the Poughkeepsie Brotherhood Series with a prequel, Poughkeepsie Begins in the near future. Fire Down Below is the first in the comedic Gynzaule Series. The second, Fire in the Hole, will be published in late 2015. The Revenger, a dark paranormal romance will debut this summer. And last, a novella called Late Night with Andres is special because 100% of the proceeds go to breast cancer research. (So go get it right now, please!) You can find her at and on Twitter @Debra_Anastasia. But be prepared...

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